Pagoda of Gaming

Don’t Forget To Pull The Ripcord

December 19th, 2008 by TheMissingNin

Posted in Funny, Music, TV | Comments Off

Fueling Up The Hatredcopter: Family, Mysteries and Fears

May 23rd, 2008 by TheMissingNin

Before I cut open my chest and start bearing my emo emo emo soul for all to see, some impressions of the new Indiana Jones film. I’m sure if you care enought to hear me talk about it, you care enough to actually go and see it. It does go places that the previous films did not, and I think it worked extremely well. It’s absolutely not the rumored ‘will it blend’d version of all the previous films. There is like a single moment of that, you know, an unnecesary reference. It’s as bad as George breaking through the movie screen with an axe shouting “YOU SEE THAT YOU FUCKING DICKS! YOU SEE THAT RAIDER’S REFERENCE RIGHT THERE!” Besides that, it’s really good. A note for the next one, if Harrison hasn’t died by then, how about some Cthulu? Get some Lovecraft shit in there. Might be spectaculawesome.

Now, This isn’t the post I promised, the one cursing several game developers for their thunder stealing, rythematic, chinese plastic. Due to some new info, my original perspective is now slightly skewed. No, this is the annual “bitch about life” post that is… well… Annual.

I suggest you begin by watching this episode of Metalokalypse, since I feel that it would be helpful and marginally humorous to reference it throughout the rest of the post.

Brutal… So I was having a somewhat perfect day. I woke up at 4…ish. Did a quick skim of the internet. Noticed that Indi was finally out, went to cinema, etc, etc, got some delicious shish from Corfu, watched the first 15 minutes of the latest boston legal, played the PA game trial on XBL and the DBZ Burst Limit Demo. Then, I hear the sound of children screaming - As though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing appeared above my phone and from it emerged a thousand starving crows, the phone began to ring, and so, fearful, I reach to answer it. I catch a glimpse of the caller ID, but it’s too late, I’ve answered. “Is it ok to talk now? Or shall I call back?”. “It’s fine”, I reply. The ‘rents have called.

I use the Metalocalypse episode as a point of reference because, whenever my family appears, in whatever ghoulish manner, I feel the way that Pickles does. This is not a celebration, this is a moment of fear, of pain manifested in some psychic familial form. These beings have some godly right to judge me, and forcibly mold me into something I’m not, and worse of all, magnify my failures and spread them about. Everything is, after all, my fault.

I’m really in a state of shock right now, It’s hard to type this, my hands are shaking. Hopefully the hard metal I’m pumping into my ears should calm my blood pressure, long enough for me to finish this post, so I can get round to a sleepless night of mental anguish. Lets just say that my 5th floor window is looking mighty appealing right now, even if all I do is fuck up and break my legs.

Let’s dig a bit deeper here: In life, I fear three things. Not the little things like primal fears (fear of wasps for example), I’m talking the big daddies here. #1 is simple, to Die alone. Though honestly, I’ve come to except that is a distinct possibility these days. #2 Is fear of dissapointing my family. #3 is the fear of dying in my home town.

#2 is something that really should be a fear that should be overcome. It’s stupid that I turn into a different person whenever they phone, perpetually covering my ass in the duration. Having them treat me like a 10-year-old and take it.

#3 is something that came up in a conversation I had on MSN, I said that next year, at the end of the summer, no matter what, I will come back to Dundee. I’m very commited to that. Not much to say on the matter, other than I will fight for my right to not die in Fraserburgh. I know that sounds very damning of the town, but it’s really the whole package that makes me want to run away. There are good things, I have some friends there, some non-judgemental family members, a very awesome shop that sells all manners of CCG’s and TCG’s. But it’s the bad things that make me want to leave. The fact that I can step out the front door of my parent’s house and see the Academy, the one that took six years of my childhood and made them the worst imaginable. The weather, that is dynamic as it is equally hellish. And going back to Fear #2, judgemental family members footsteps away.

My fear is slowly quelling, the heroic melodies of Dragonforce seem to be a rather healthy remedy. I’m reminded that I’ve been an idiot all these years. Go ahead, drop me an email at themissingnin@hotmail.com and tell me so. It’s about time that I start to stand up to my parents, no matter the costs. Nothing drastic mind you, I’m not going to torch a building or challenge people to mortal kombat. It’s about time I start being the Teenager I’ve repressed all these years.

Two things I should explain. Some mysteries I’ve kept about my character. My internet moniker, TheMissingNin, is taken from Naruto. It is what shinobi call another shinobi who betrayed their village, ran away and did some bad stuff in some dramatic manner. Itachi, being my favourite example. He killed his entire clan, to get some ancient ninja magics, with the exception of his brother, who he told “live to hate me, and only then will you get your revenge”. Something like that. I figured that I would betray someone at some point, in some major way, or lots of little betrayals, so why not? and TheMissingNin was born. I guess I’m just waiting for the fight that I can turn round and say to my near-defeated adversary: “live to hate me, and only then will you get your revenge”.

Second mystery - You may have noticed, but I tend to pimp out PurePwnage whenever a new episode rolls out, but I never really explain why I like it. My Parents (yeah, I’m going back to that) have never understood gaming. Never respected it. It’s always been the arguement that they’ve always won, that somehow it’s something bad. “why game when you could be sweeping the patio?” You see where I’m coming from? Then PurePwnage comes along and tells me that it’s ok to be a gamer. HOLY SHIT. Can you imagine how I felt? Fucking relieved I tell you! A revelation of personally epic proportions.

I bring this up now because the battlefield is about to present itself. One thing I took away from that debilitating phone call, besides me doing it all wrong. It finally hut me that my time at uni, for the year, is almost over, I’ve only got about a fortnight left, at most. I think it’s finally dawned on me that I really am going to be stuck in EPIC PHAILSERBORING for three months, where I’m going to have to work 8-til-5, and have to live with the ‘rents.

Imagine a warrior standing atop a mountain, fueled by rage, hatred and betrayal. And infront of him, a tidal wave of pure earth core lava, tall enough to cover the mountain three fold. Within the lava comes galloping the four horsemen of the apocalypse, and behind them the hollow souls of every hell-sent being. The warrior looks behind him, to see the beings of the world flee, and is presented with a choice - run with the rest and hope not to get caught up in the wave, or stay and fight near-impossible odds. Victory would mean a life of his own, and isn’t that worth any cost?

I hope you enjoyed this dive into the depths of my cold black emo heart. Or you now feel some sort mortal fear, I’m hopeful of that too. Next post, I’d imagine will be after the National Qualifier this weekend, till then, as I used to say, keep it 1337.

Crashing steel and raging fury

Posted in Fraserboring, Funny, Music, Student Life, Video Gaming | No Comments »

A Tribute To The Nameless

May 16th, 2008 by TheMissingNin

THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST…

I fucking love internet meme’s. No idea why.

Heading out for the weekend. I absolutely fucking guarantee a post on saturday or sunday, detailing my magical tribulations. Also, I completely forgot to mention the new X-Files Trailer earlier on in the week. Mulder, Scully, Billy Connelly, Creepy Cylon Dude from the new BSG. I’m already sold. Check it:

And Gillian Anderson, still hot. :3

Without your noose

Posted in Film, Funny, Music | No Comments »

PSA: THIS IS NINJAAAA!

March 7th, 2008 by TheMissingNin

0_o

BACK ONLINE YOU CUNTFUCKS! THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

I said I, I’m dangerous, girl I plan to show ya (show ya)

Posted in Funny | No Comments »

Paradise Sold Out, Fox News, And Stop Breaking My Ukelele, Because YOU Are A Headcrab Zombie!

January 28th, 2008 by TheMissingNin

Funnies first, seriose later.

_______________________________________
Right-O, Seriose teim, let’s get you up to speed on the whole situation, watch this:

DOESN’T THIS MAKE YOUR BLOOD BOIL? DOESNT THIS FILL YOUR HEART WITH THE HATRED OF A THOUSAND FURIOUS SUNS? DOESN’T IT JUST MAKE YOU WANNA…. WANNNA…….GRRRRRRRRRRRR…..ARRRRRRRRRRGH….

God forbid a parent has to be involved in what their kids are looking at these days. God forbid that any parent would take the time to be involved in their childs life. Oh no, let’s just take our ignorant views and fear of technology and be A BUNCH OF FUCKING WHORES. I mean jesus fucking christ, there’s nothing wrong with the rating systems (though Manhunt 2 may beg to differ) and there is nothing wrong with game content, there is something wrong with YOU!

Cooper Lawrence was only there to promote her book, which if you take a look at the amazon reviews it’s been getting, I suppose she needs all the press she can get, huh? Grats Bitch, you’ve joined the Jack Thompson ranks, AND EVEN HE DOESN’T AGREE WITH YOU. And did you catch that other whore at the end: “This made me feel old watching this, whatever happened to Atari and pinball and Pac-Man”. Well, maybe you are old and shut up about the AO rating, I’ve seen worse on 12A films.

Alot has happened since that aired. The crazy bitch has taken back her statements, but we still hate you. And EA have asked for an apology from Fox, but have yet to get the response they want, only a “why don’t you come on air and talk about it” offer. Looks like Fox News wants to milk this for all it’s worth.

Major props to EA for defending their developers all the way. Super-major props to Geoff Keighley for being a bad-ass pimp, for putting up with that whore of a woman on live TV and I hope you get to layeth the smackdown all proper like, very soon. And Major props to the gamer nation for being pissed off about this, because we should be.

Could you people hurry up and either leave us the fuck alone or just die already, because you do not want to mess with the warrior.

I can’t wait to see the media frenzy when GTA4 hits, the time to unite is now my bretheren, so we may be ready for the coming war.
_______________________________________
Now for something completely different. Burnout Paradise.

I like the game, very much, but I think it’s of an acquired taste. The thing is, I don’t have to convince you to buy it, I have just to convince you to download the demo on your respective console (lol, I’m not talking about you Wii owners), and if you can stomache playing through the demo 2-3 times, then the full game is for you. Same goes for all the burnout fans out there, you’ll love this.

I have my gripes with Burnout, something that I, somewhat enjoy highlighting. So it seems that the invisible denziens of Paradise City have an infinite need for Gillette and designer clothes by Diesel or I have two very persistant virtual stalkers on my hands. I want to know how much EA sold out to put all this advertising into the game, I’m talking epic “I Robot” levels of advertising. It’s not that the advertising being there is what annoys me, it’s the frequency of it, and the lack of different ads to shove in your face. Because I’m always seeing the same 6 companies: Burger King, Comp USA (<-who have actually now shut down), Visio, some weird sports TV channel, and the Diesel and Gillette vans. I don't mind the odd billboard, you know, to make the city seem like a city. But not a fucking skinned van.

Has someone not put a bounty out on the so-called "DJ Atomica" yet? He was actually quite a nice fellow in SSX3, and there was the option to turn him completely off. "Yes DJ Douchebag, I know how a fucking race works, I know how a goddamn marked man works, how about we cut the shit and get to it". I don't need some faggot coming on and give me some condecending remark whenever I fail an event. Actually the same goes for the camera. I don't need a fucking slow-mo, bullet timed, sepia toned, panning shot of my car everytime I fail an event. And I'm sure is isn't impossible to let me retry an event after I've failed it and ended up at the other side of the city, just teleport me to where it started, I'll gladly go through the motions thereafter. The camera is also not as nearly as interesting when it comes to crashes. There's little control of which part of the destruction you're looking at and it's always from the same close up angles so you often miss alot of the carnage if you happen to collide with a traffic jam. I find the lack of explosions disturbing.

Continuting the subject of "Selling Out", the soundtrack must've been created by the marketing team and someone who just learned how to Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V. It actually starts out deceptively well, as you boot up the game you hear the gingle of Guns 'n' Roses' "Paradise City", then you get into the game and then you get *sigh* Avril Lavigne. It's trash is what it is. There's like 3 good songs in there; "Adam and the Ants - Stand and Deliver", "Faith No More - Epic" and some N.E.R.D. remix, with the remix being the only song there that fits the game. And the other half of the tracks, oh sorry, Trax are from previous burnout games, Instrumentals.

Which brings us yet again into the realm of my crazy musical tastes. Because Burnout has such a lame soundtrack, there’s nothing better to do than turn the music all the way fucking off and listen to your own tunes. Some say that this isn’t an option in the PS3 version of the game, unlike the 360’s standard of custom soundtracks in EVERYTHING. No, this feature is cleverly hidden, and all you need is a device other than your console that can play some music and some headphones. How’s that for beating the system. This week, I’ve been… um… “borrowing” from the internet some Maximum The Hormone (<- J-Rock Superstars). Here's one of my favourites from their new album, a misheard lyrics version, that's mildly hilarious. And FYI, the female singer is also the drummer. Dual Weilding FTW.

And a not-so good Live version of a more well known song of theirs. If you want to hear more, I’m sure you have the internet powers required to do so.

I’ll catch you guys next time with some scenes from a hat. Please leave your comments on the Fox News shite, I’m interested to know what you’ve all got to say.

don’t sign that paper tonight, she said but it’s too late

Posted in Funny, Music, PS3, PSP, TV, Video Gaming, X-Box 360 | No Comments »

Pagoda of Gaming

Whoa! Even This Blog Sounds Better When It’s Autotuned! Shawty!

Twitter Feed

Gamercard

Blogroll

Categories

Archives