Pagoda of Gaming

But First A Little Magic News
So Sorin has officially been completely spoiled to the nation. And I am in LOVE with that card - and despite how little I might get to play in the future I need myself a playset right NAO! Take A look…

That’s just badass - he just screams aggro & control to me. The last ability is a bit situational, but pinging for 2 every turn or dropping your opponent to 10 (espesially in this Lifelinky standard) at the most oppertune of moments is very appealing to me. Let’s hope he gets some nice Vampire support to bring back Mono Black Control in a big way.

Planechase hits this coming weekend (Full deck lists etc. HERE) and due to lack of both funds and available accomodation I won’t be able to attend the Fundee release events. I will however be hitting up the Zendikar Prerelease at the end of september - infact I’ll book my hotel next week. But to make up for my lack of Planechasing next weekend I’ve already preordered a set of the decks from MagicMadhouse.

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Operation Ground and Pound

Intrepid readerThe Lithgow writes:

“I demand some form of fire/holy deck that can kick some ass and take some names…preferably names like Yanosh…and Lynsey…especialy Yanosh…and his deck of many colours XD

You have 1 week to make an epic deck before I return and my vengance is wrought!”

You underestimate me sir, I ninja’d this motherfucker up in under 24 hours. So an interesting thing happened when I began looking at cards for the deck, A dragonforce song began to play and it struck me as extremely appropriate. If you were to take the basic concept of the deck, shove it in a blender then find a way to convert that liquid into a musical form I think you’d get this:

(Word of Note - that’s not even the full version of the song)

As I listened the fire in my heart began to burn with the fires of battle, my Jonny Sense tingled and a tear of awesome fell from my eye. Yes, this deck must be forged, and I shall be the forger!… wait, that’s not a cooking metaphor. I will um… Make a feast of it? That’s not very good.

Keeping it in Standard
I always find that it is better for new players, the likes of the Lithgow, to build their initial decks within the realms of Standard Legal (by this I mean: Only using cards from the last 2 blocks of cards and the latest Core Set). I believe this helps them in many ways, primarily to not blow their newbie minds with an extravagantly huge card pool of several thousands of cards. But also to help them understand the different formats of the game and to steer their deckbuilding towards a deck that they can use in any format, be it standard or extended. And finally it allows them to accrue cards that are ‘new’ and statistically more desireable than cards from 5 years ago. So this deck will be standard legal with all the trimmings - I’ll even throw in a sideboard for good measure.

HISTORAH TIME!

What I guess we’re aiming for is a concept close to the Boros from Ravnica. Ravnica’s overarching idea was that there was a Plane in the multiverse that was entire city - and that city was governed by 10 guilds, each represented by a 2 colour combination of the colours of magic, and each guild was responsible for some kind of civil service. Boros was the White-Red guild and ther responisbility was to police the city, be the people’s army. And they could do so with a ruling caste of Battle Angels and an army of soldiers made up of everything from humans, goblins and Minotaurs. Sorcery/Instant wise they’d use alot of combat trickery, the most defining being Master Warcraft as you see above, and the amazing Lightning Helix.

Boros is all about swinging hard and fast, with a hint of board control with direct damage and those little annoying things that white cards can do. Boros is about Angel stike forces and devine intervention. Sound good? But this isn’t 2005, this is the year of Magic 2010 and the days of planeswalkers - but the concept still survives and I aim to define it - and do so somewhat on the cheap too.

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Core Spices
To break it down our card pool is basically every Red and White card currently in standard, that’s round about 450 cards and not including lands and artifacts. But whittling that down is pretty easy if you know what you’re looking for….

Serra Angel
A Magic the gathering classic that is now only an Uncommon. Flying, Vigilance and a decent power/toughness/mana-cost ratio make her a shoein for the deck.
Guardian Seraph
She hits the table a turn earlier than Serra Angel, and the urza’s armor-ish ability is nothing to scoff at - regardless you’re getting a 3-power flyer for 4 mana.
Twilight Shepherd
The more I think about it, the shepherd should be the deck’s proper finisher. Her demi-ressurection ability is a bit hit-or-miss, but having an angel that ressurects it’self is pure card advantage.
Baneslayer Angel
She’s pretty much Perfection, and encapsulates the flavour of the deck. But she has a major problem, currently she goes for about £25 a pop. The only reason I happen to have 2 is that I scored them from boosters - and that’s the only way I’ll ever get any more.
Battlegrace Angel
If you think about it, she’s a budget Baneslayer with some other perks. I think that there should be a couple cards with Exalted in the deck, as it works both functionally and flavourfully - swinging with a single powerful creature as your other creatures sit back on the defensive lines.

Stun Sniper
Technically better than Blinding Mage, and why not since we’re in pure white-red territory. But in a pinch, yes, a Blinding Mage is fine too.
Soul Warden
A very good turn one card, especially in multiplayer. I’ve played these in alot of sealed events and the amount of life these things can generate can be a game saver, and if you’re opponent is desperate to get rid of it he’ll have to waste a spell on a 1/1.
Lightweilder Paladin
He does kindof steal the angel’s thunder, but a useful card otherwise. He should have a seat in the deck, but not a prominent one. And he should be sideboardable when facing a deck that isn’t Red or Black.
Sigiled Paladin/White Knight/Knight of the White Orchid
Any of these would hold the same slot in the deck, all are excellent turn 2 drops, but maybe the WW cost is a bit much when you want to be dropping a source of red mana on the first or second turns.
Akrasan Squire/Aven Squire
Again, two cards that fit a similar spot and have a similar idea. Depending on the curve of the deck, the Aven makes more sense.

Intimidation Bolt
I really like Intimidation Bolt, maybe moreso than it actually deserves. I’m surprised I haven’t seen it in alot of the 5-colour decks that are going about at the moment, it’s a better holy day and a Lightning Bolt wrapped together. Instant 4 off in my opinion. Speaking of….
Lightning Bolt
It’s a Standard Legal Red deck - Duh! 4-off without question.
Act of Treason
The art i suppose is a little misleading, that it is an angel that is Treasoning. But it might have a place in the deck.
Honor the Pure
Pretty much the reason why all the creatures in the deck are going to be white. It’s a better Glorious Anthem, but it doesn’t exactly help the red portion of the card pool. The Lithgow does have a couple of copies of this very sought after card, so why not use it.
Fireball
If you should find yourself in a arial dogfight with this deck, Fireball is the card that can push through an opponents wall of flyers, hopefully for the win.
Burning Inquiry
All round the deck is lacking a bit of card draw, and this is about the only card that can do it for Red/White at the moment, short of a howling mine. I’m not convinced that it should be here at all, but it is the only card drawer the deck has access to.
Harm’s Way
This is practically a Red/White card, but I doubt wizards would dare to put a Hybrid Mana card in a core set or give red both this and Lightning bolt. I’m getting away from the point. Harm’s Way is badass combat trickery at it’s finest.
Oblivion Ring/Path To Exile
The best White removal currently in the format, Oblivion Ring in particular can deal with other threats, particularily pesky Planeswalkers. To choose one over the other, the ring wins outright.

Jungle Shrine/Terramorphic Expanse/Obelisk of Naya
These are the standard staple Mana Fixers for the deck, otherwise there really aren’t any other options, kinda the same position as card drawing. Luckily, they are all easy to get a hold of.

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So without further-a-do, here’s a somewhat experimental Version 1 of the deck. Enjoy….

Deck Notes
There are a couple of cards in that initial build that are really experimental. Primarily Lightweilder Paladin - if he’s a little heavy or he’s not as useful as he appears, he could take up position in the sideboard. Also 10 of the 17 creatures in the deck are over 5 mana to cast, and this is a little slow, but playing casually it should work out fine if you keep yourself alive long enough to hit the 5-mana sweet spot, then after that you’ll be playing bomb after bomb. For a little more speed, and a little more defence, Guardian Seraph can hit turn 4 instead of 5.
Sideboard Notes
The deck itself should work fine, it’s just that there are alot of cards in the deck that JUST effect creatures - and should Ground and Pound run into a deck that has either very few creatures or no creatures at all, you’re going to be drawing ALOT of dead cards. When this happens, Stun Sniper and Intimidation Bolt are the first cards to go, and then replacements go in appropriately. Burning Inquiry I think should be quite fun against your standard control deck it lets both players search out for the answers they need, but you are in control of when to use it and might force your opponent into making some tough decisions as to what they need to keep in their hand. Celestial Purge is there for the luls against black and red decks, even the creature-light. Cerodon Yearling is there for a bit of rush against incoming combo decks.
Money Injection
Unfortunatly, when it comes to any constructed format in Magic, a little money makes a world of difference. Currently every card in the deck is relatively cheap to buy (going by Magic Madhouse Prices) most of the rares are hitting at less than £1 a pop - but if a lottery winner is in out midst, there are alot of cards that can make some major differences. Baneslayer Angel is the biggie, and could replace any of the current angel choises. Ajani Vengeant and Elspeth, Knight Errant costs about as much as Baneslayer and are top of the planeswalker rankings. Austere Command, I think, works out to be the best mass removal spell for the deck, which can either wipe the entire board, or everything that costs less than your Angel Armada. Mass Calcify is my second choise, but the cost makes it somewhat unplayable. Balefire Leige works well in tandem with Honor the Pure, and makes your burn spells better. Beyond that, there’s the swathe of rare dual lands that assure a better chance of letting you at the mana you need.

Outside Standard
For starters there’s the catalogue of Boros cards from back in Ravnica that I mentioned earilier. In particular, though rather unexcitedly I would bump the Obelisks for a set of Boros Signets right away. Additionally, for an extra boost - Mind Stone is a favourite of mine, and helps with card draw when you need it. Speaking of, Card drawing is something that every control deck thrives on, but there are very few choises for a deck that isn’t Blue or Black. Sensei’s Divining Top helps with fixing what you draw another option is the utterly lame Jayemdae Tomb, the last choise is really to bite the bullet and run a set of Howling Mines
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Unfortunatly I’m not in the position to playtest this, but you could always Proxy it up and tell me how it goes. Next time, if I don’t get a challenging suggestion I’ll be returning to the Timespiral concept of Flash Bears and sprucing it up for casual use. Or maybe in spirit of Planechase’s release I’ll cook up something to madden the minds out of multiplayer players everywhere.
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Like what you saw? Want to Contribute? Then please send me your ideas, requests, or your experiences testing the decks that I’ve posted. I’ll be happy to cook up just about anything I’m asked, in any format - All I need is a decklist or an idea to start things off. Remember that I’m not building competative decks here, I’m aiming for the fun and functional, or even the most buget of decks. email me at themissingnin@hotmail.com or leave a comment on this post (please remember that if you email me, please make it clear in the subject line what you’re emailing me about, or else I will kill it with my mighty delete button, and if you leave a comment on the site and it doesn’t appear immediately, know that it’s probably been picked up by the wordpress filter and I will approve your comment asap). Also, the more I’m sent the more I’ll have to talk about! ‘Nin Out!

Welcome to The Magical Ninja Deck Chef! (hint - that’s me) This is the first of hopefully many rediculously long MTG deckbuilding articles, where I aim to not make the most competative of decks, but the most flavourful - to bring a dash of tabetop roleplaying to the game - to a certain extent.

Deckbuilding is more than half the game to me, and it’s a half that doesn’t require some dude sitting across from me. In this week’s installment I’ll be focusing on a Tribe of creatures that are near and dear to my blood stream, and if you haven’t guessed by the title, or from scrolling down, it’s Elves…. Just kidding. Good old Vampires.
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HISTORAH!
Vampires sit in a place similar to where Angels sit in current magic design. They’re big swingy flying things. But unlike angels, they’ve suffered for lack of power. For years, Vamps have been basic offshoots of the original Sengir Vampire design - They cost somewhere around 5 Mana, They fly, and they gobble stuff up - but compared to Angels, they didn’t have the balls.

You put Mr Sengir up against his arch Nemesis, Serra Angel, and the angel wins with Vigilance and a single extra point of power and Toughness. My first attempt at this kind of deck happened way back in the days of Scourge and with it Soul Collector. A vampire for 3 mana! I exclaimed, then set about making one of the most fail decks known to man, before consolodating those cards into a shiny Demon deck come the days of Mirrodin and Kamigawa. And also it was the only creature with Morph in the deck, which really didn’t help with the SURPRISE VAMPIES! factor.

But recently we’ve seen a little bit of a power boost. Ravnica gave me Skeletal Vampire, but with it there have been little Bats to really boost his power. Sure there was Belfry Spirit, but that’s goddamn White. But he was an amazing finisher in the W/B control decks of the day and even had a spot in the fabled Masterpeice. But we also got some mad unplayable bullshit like Garza-Zol and Szadek. Thankfully, it’s pretty much fucking confirmed that the little tribe that could is going to play a major role in Zendikar, and quite possibly we’ll have a Vampire Planeswalker on our hands in the form of DUDEFACE. So Let’s get a headstart with what Type2 currently has to offer.
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What are Vampires in the worlds of Magic: The Gathering?

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I’m going to make this deck Standard legal, because I believe I can. I have a hunch that when Zendikar rolls in we’ll have a couple more card choises on our plate, and I’m fully anticipating, so I’m going to try and keep the card pool filled with items from M10 and Alara as much as I can. Lets take a look at some of the card choises.

Other Cards

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Deck Rules
Looking at the pool we’ve got so far, there’s a couple of apparant things that certainly mould the deck in one direction or the other. So before I start on the list proper there’s a couple of rules I’d like to apply. First off, beyond land there shouldn’t be a non-black card in the deck, it hurts Nocturnus and ergo my other vampires if there’s an artifact sitting on top of the deck. Secondly, for the sake of Tendrils and Consume Spirit, every land should produce mainly black mana and should also be a swamp - So that cuts off most of the non-basic lands going about. Finally, there should be fewer than 20 creatures in the deck - there just isn’t enough premier vamps going about yet to fill those spots, not to mention their high costs, and how good the rest of the spells are in the deck.

So without Further-a-do, here’s Version 1 of…

This is just the absolute base of the deck, full of experimental, but not to drastic card choises. I just couldn’t resist giving Vein Drinker a shot, and Crumbling Necropolis fuels her ability. There are a couple of cards that I didn’t find room for in this initial build, essentially 2 more cards to add to the discard - But for something inbetween a Mind Shatter and a Duress, the best card that comes to mind is Blightening, and with a little bit more of a red splash it might work, and at the same time open things up for a possible Lightening Bolt Arsenal.

I managed to keep the changeling count low, and if Zendikar lives up to the hype they are the first cards out. The landcount works rather well at 21, and only 6 of them are non-basic, even better - the Leechridden Swamps still count as regular swamps. If there’s anything I feel this build is utterly desperate for is a bit of tutoring, to grab from some of the toolkitey cards.

Looking at it now, leaving this deck in the current standard is just a template for things to come post october rotation. So I will be revisiting this deck round about that time to give it the once over.
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There are two pretty obvious colour skews you could take with this deck, simply dip it into Black’s allied colours. With red you have access to the aforementioned Blightening, and . With Blue, I would shift the deck towards a more counter-heavy deck, and possibly some ressurection via Rise from the Grave, and maybe even a couple of Twincasts to double up on some of the targeted destruction, or simply Sleep.

Now that I think about it, going outside standard solves alot of the deck’s major problems. Wayfarer’s Bauble takes over from Armilliary Sphere to accel the mana rather than just assure a land drop. Cabal Coffers along with a single Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth give access to a very deep pool to set off a huge Consume Spirit. And for Tutoring, there’s obviously Vampiric Tutor, if that is, you can get your mitts on such an old card. Ascendant Evincar, along with other Vampires that I mentioned in the creature type’s history, can up the vamp quota a little bit, though at the requirement of having deep DEEEEP pools.

Then there’s this other option I discovered, now bear with me a minute, Play it like a White deck. Glorious Anthem and Holy Day are both staple Whitey White cards - but the Timespiral block fucked with the pallet a bit and gave the Vampire nation some interesting tools in Bad Moon and Darkness. Midnight Charm helps alot with it’s three abilities - and all stem from the Vampiric condidtion. Let’s also not forget Damnation.
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So there you go, my latest attempt at making a tribal Vampire deck. I suppose the article falls a little short without any proper playtesting, but I’m not really in the position for it. If anyone out there wants to give this deck a go, feel free to do so - but please tell me how you get on. I do apologise for where this article falls short - it’s 2000+ words were constructed over a two week period, and I did suffer a dose of magical constipation in the middle of that time.

Next time, if someone hasn’t given me a suggestion, I think I’ll go back and look at how I made one of my most favourite and flavourful decks, with a dash of Naruto on the side for good reference. Though I will accept ANY deck building challenge. But now, I’m going to to watch last night’s episode of True Blood, for good measure.
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Like what you saw? Want to Contribute? Then please send me your ideas, requests, or your experiences testing the decks that I’ve posted. I’ll be happy to cook up just about anything I’m asked, in any format - All I need is a decklist or an idea to start things off. Remember that I’m not building competative decks here, I’m aiming for the fun and functional, or even the most buget of decks. email me at themissingnin@hotmail.com or leave a comment on this post (please remember that if you email me, please make it clear in the subject line what you’re emailing me about, or else I will kill it with my mighty delete button, and if you leave a comment on the site and it doesn’t appear immediately, know that it’s probably been picked up by the wordpress filter and I will approve your comment asap). Also, the more I’m sent the more I’ll have to talk about! ‘Nin Out!

I’m a man of wealth and taste

My little trip to Edinburgh last week, though well intentioned, turned out to be a bit of a clusterfuck. The Games Festival was utterly dissapointing, and from the way things looked, the Friday would’ve delivered more precious treasures - but I had to leave on friday morning. There was only enough entertainment there, in the public area, to keep myself satisfied for about an hour.

Arkham Asylum was there showing the exact same demo as the one released on PSN and XBLM the week previous with only the small addition of 3 of the game’s many challenge rooms.Wii Sports Resort dominated the entire show floor with a gigantic booth that I avoided like the plague. From there came constant playing of annoying steel drums and for some reason microphone toting commentery that was even louder than the drums. The Sony Eyepet made an appearance, and then needed to be reset every 10 minutes due to crashing and didn’t appear to be playable by the public. Realtime Worlds, the company you would think would pull out all the stops at this kind of event had a laptop sitting on a table looping the same 5-minute trailer we all saw via E3, a bunch of recruitment leaflets, and the person manning the booth wandering about aimlessly 20-or-so feet away. Mini-Ninjas had a demo going, but I was instantly dissapointed as I began to play, expecting a somewhat mature cartooney Ninja Gaiden game from a company more known for. Instead what I played was Zelda mushed with Fisher Price with terrible controls.

I was also rather intrusively interviewed whilst playing Arkham for Playr. I’d like to think that my world class insight on the game would be good enough to make it to the show, I doubt I’ll actually see it.

The day did have it’s high points. I ate the best Japanese food I’ve ever eaten (granted, I don’t have much to compare it too) at Tang’s Sushi Restaurant. And I bought a painting done by some nameless dude on the Royal Mile who’s only tools were tore up peices of cardboard and a Dozen or so cans of spraypaint. I must’ve stood for about 30 minutes watching this dude spray layer after layer of paint onto the canvas to create something fantastically beautiful. I also saw G.I.Joe - And to review it in a sentence, I’d have to say that it was entertaining, but in the same way that the Fast and the Furious was.

The friday was such a rush to get out the door back to Fails’ (due to my mode of transportation) that the only thing I got to do was go to Black Lion games and check out their magic singles. Except they weren’t open at 10:30 despite being reassured by the clerk the evening before that they would be at 10. To make the day even better, my bank called me to inform me that my Debit card (my one and only) was the target of some fraud nearing £1000 in total, all placed at 4am in the morning. The offending transactions have been reverced, but since friday morning, the only cash I have had on me is barely enough to pay my Driving Lesson tomorrow.

Depressing Item #3: My iPhone has still yet to make an appearance. It’s extremely hard to describe where my order actually lies in the string of events and the many phone calls I’ve had to make to get anything done. I think that it will be delivered tomorrow and I think that it might be delivered to an adress that will have a recipiant to actually receive it. But the Case and the Protection Plan pack thingy was not sent, and in order to get them I have to order them again and THEN get a refund for the originally order - so I would be buying them twice. All because some motherfucker from DHL in Aberdeen decided to lose/steal my original order, the order that would’ve arrived on a day that I would’ve been able to receive it because I was actually at the receiving address and not at fucking work.

I haven’t really sat down and played anthing this past week either. I soldiered on and got my Planeswalker achievement (complete the game 100%) for Duels of the Planeswalkers, and I’m really jonesing for an expansion for that game. I played some Fallout 3 on the PC today - getting through some more of the main quest and making sure my dude stays charmically neutral. And I logged into WoW only to discover that I’m completely lost as to where each of my 3 Northrend bound characters actually are. So I logged out and figured I’d write something up for the Blog.

One of the better things that happened last week. Always brings a smile to my face.

Though in all that I think I figured out why I’m in this current gaming slump. I’m just not feeling addicted to anything right now - at this time of the year I’m usually knee-deep in Warcraft, but after my departure from the game a couple of months ago, I haven’t had the drive to return to it. My mind is after the constant stimulation a game like warcraft grants - that even when I’m not playing, the character I become is still persistant im my mind, and it takes the edge off the daily crap. I guess this explains why I was so determined to get a go of WAR and Champions Online, to try and rekindle the old flame. Maybe if I soldier up and get past the daunting task of relearning a level 78 character, I’ll get a new lease on the game up until Pwnmas time atleast. But also, the slow as fuck internet connection isn’t helping either - preventing both online play and seriously needed patching - I was up til 4am last night dealing with the latter. Maybe THESE new, pretty comprehensive, rumors for the next WoW expansion will draw me back in. To be honest, I’m really impressed. Moreso if they turn out to be true.

Luckily next week we’re getting Shadow Complex via XBLA, a game I’m very much looking forward too, and have the points in account to actually buy. Then after that I have to make sure I’ve got enough cash in my wallet to get Arkham Asylum next-next week. Then after that It’s the long wait until we receive whatever is left of the Q4′09 release schedule, after losing so much to next year.

I’ve also got a pretty big MTG related post to polish off and throw up, and hopefully I’ll get that done early next week. I’ve got like 2 more paragraphs to round off and then a billion cards to hyperlink, but if it works out - and if I get any requests - it may turn into being something semi-regular I can write to fill the Magic void that is present without opponent.

So that was was my holiday. Tomorrow I return to work and the ever recurring cycle it brings, with even more delicious pitfalls to make me feel that little bit more hate-filled. But the worst thing is that through all the fear and loathing, I’ll probably forget that this fortnight even happened.

maybe I wasn’t home

It was a usual Fundee Affair, I ate deliciounormous Tonic Burger, I played cards, I ate delicious Clarke’s food, I bought cards, I ate delicious Chouse Breakfast, I played cards and then I had a Pizza. Sadly I didn’t get the chance to draft, but that was more than made up for by seeing the glimmer of as I told them magical tales of how to give yourself infinite turns or kill someone with a beautiful Phage without swinging her to the face. It is a glimmer that I hope to nurture and mold into that of a competant player.

Speaking of Magic, let’s get that business taken care of. The UK Nationals were last weekend, and I was happy to see the variety of decks that made the top-8, as opposed to the US’s 5-colour Ordeal. The Winner’s Deck was a pure, tried and true, WU control deck sporting Baneslayers and Cryptic Commands with the most simplistically effective Mana-Base I’ve seen since before fucking Mirrodin.

And today we got our first glimpse of the Planechase rules and even a couple of plane cards. This looks like proper good fun and I can expect myself to be on a train down for the set’s release events in less than a month!

I haven’t really played enough of the Champions Online Beta to say anything solid - well not to mention the whole NDA thing. I will say that I am not as sold on the idea as I once was, but with more time into the beta I’ll maybe get to understanding it alot better. When it comes to MMO’s - WoW is my point of reference and Champions strays quite far from it, just with the overall structure of the game. I’ll keep you lot posted, and I’ll definitely have my say after the NDA drops.

When I returned from the Fundee, I near-immediatly sat down and played through Mothership Zeta. It’s not the best of all the Fallout DLC’s, but I feel it is worth it’s buck. I do have one major problem with it though - on the ship there are abductee interview recordings kicking about (ala Bioshock) and finding them all nets you an achievement. I’ve voiced my opinions on this collection bullshit before, but the real kick in the balls is that once but yet upon successful completion you can return to the ship, but you can’t enter most of the parts of the ship. What the fuck is up with that? Now I have to go and play through it all again, and I will loathe the day. This is supposed to be the last DLC for the game but I certainly hope that it isn’t. I’d love to play a new chunk of Fallout every 2 months from now until New Vegas’ launch, and I’d pay for that too.

I’m extatic to see that Pure Pwnage is up on it’s feet again. The mysterious project (Project-X) that the team has been working on is a 10 part Series of PP that will be broadcast on the Internet, and more importantly for their careers, on Television. Extreme details are unknown, but after the HUGE break the series has taken, and the awful events that happened since the last episode, we might have a Pure Pwnage Reloaded scenario on our hands, or even moreso a reintroduction to the show. I’m all for anything ROFLMAO Productions is up to and I hope they succeed in their global domination. Check out the Announcement Video below.

Marty McWhyte linked this to me the other day, It’s pretty self explanatory. Sighted at last week’s Comic Con. I’m currently in a state of excited apprehension.

Today’s Epic WTF Video stars none other than Ice-T (see Law and Order) and…. His wife? In it we get to see the Ice-T Gamer in it’s natural habitat, then call up Cliffy B. and threaten him. The interesting thing about this, is the interviewer. It took me about an hour (without googling) to realise that all those years ago he was in the preview videos for The Matrix Online, the ones you can see on your Blu Ray copy of the Matrix Trilogy today- apparantly he Owns Monolith or something.

My iPhone has yet to arrive. I am quite pissed off about this, considering that O2 have sent me my first Bill and that the package has been sitting in DHL’s Aberdeen Depot since Last Wednesday. Infact I’m waiting for a callback to find out what the hell is going on. Had it arrived I would be able to review an iPhone app for you. I’ve been looking for something proper to write about for a while now, and rather than bore you with tales of high level MTG or review a game you’ll never play I figured that an iPhone app is a well enough rounded thing for me to tacke. This should also prevent impending app-addiction, since there are quite alot out there that are so wonderfully cheap apart, but wallet raping together. So when the shit turns up, and I’ve sent my Rage-mail to the company I’ll be posting “An App A Week: The Giant Bomb App”, and I’ll be trying to round it to the Kotaku style of review, if that means anything to ya.

I’ll be heading down to Edinburgh on thursday for the game festival. I’ll be sure to post up tales of my shenanigans, and if iPhone is in hand, I’ll be tweeting my way along, and maybe even some photos or video. I also have an appetite for sushi that must be satisfied. But right now, I’m going to attempt to make a standard legal Vampire Tribal deck…. yes that is as stupid as it sounds.

Also, John Hughes is dead. That is pretty Gay.

dancing you know it baby

So let’s start with a funny video. It’s been a while since I’ve heard of any awesome anti-scientology raids via our anonymous friends. This video, uploaded in January of this year, is a masterpiece of disruption and lulz. The concept is simple - take a willing operative, dubbed ‘Brave Agent Pubit’, strip him of his shirt, lather the motherfucker in vaseline and then spread upon him hairs from the netherest of regions. Then set him loose upon the reception area of a nearby Scientology base. Accompany that with recordings of prank calls and a heartfelt ballad and we’ve got some luls, I urge you to check it out:

Next up is a look at Halo ODST, which showcases the cast of the game. Indeed, there is about half the cast of Firefly in there, including Nathan Fillion’s facial likeness. The game looks like it’s going to bring a much needed boost of emotion and personality to the franchise Not that the Cheif isn’tThe ‘Cheif is more of a pure Icon.
Fat Princess came out last week for the low price of £12. I got my mitts on it and played through the story mode (which I highly recommend to new players) but I haven’t really sunk my teeth in due to being very good-TV-less this past while. When I’m moved back into my room - when it has curtains again and the TV doesn’t face the burning rage of the sun - I’ll give it a better shot.

A new trailer for EVE Online has hut, and it’s probably the best 2-minute explanation of the game CCP has ever given. Watching it made me almost re-sub, but then I remembered that Ambulation, their future patch that will let me open and run my own “Barcadium” has been put on hold. Here’s the trailer.

Speaking of MMO’s, my Beta Key for Champions Online has arrived and I’m currently downloading. I’m oddly excited for a round of super-heroism, after reading Superman Red Son the other night, I’ve found more substance in that side of the Comic genre than I thought I would. I’ve always been a batman guy, but beyond him I’ve always thought it was a little too much. Consider me surprised, though I’m not going to run out and grab me some Green Lantern, that dude’s just silly. Ryan Scott, of GFW fame, has a good preview up of Champions over HERE, if you’re interested. And I’ll be posting my non-bannable impressions as I play along.

The Matrix Online is officially dead. I was very interested in playing it at launch all those years ago, but after seeing the grind the game presented and the cryptic gameplay mechanics, I shelved it. It’s a shame because it did have some pretty good ideas. You can see the last hour of the game’s life HERE over on Giant Bomb. The final message broadcast from those running the game was a simple and respectful “Wake Up”. I think alot about how a Matrix Online game, one bigger and better than before, could be brought into existance - and maybe sometime in the future someone will pick up the property again and give it a propper stab.

There isn’t much to say about this next video, chances are you’ve probably seen it. It’s a tiny snippet of gameplay for Modern Warfare 2, showcasing the custom kill streak loadouts. Ahem. Custom Kill Streak Loadouts. This is going to be amazing.

And the final peice of news I found is THIS. DJ Jazzy Jeff is going to be in DJ Hero. Now that might mean very little to the uninitiated, but allow me to define. “Jazz” as he is otherwise known shared the screen with a young william all those years ago in what may be the best television series of all time. Now if you’d like to take a minute, just sit right there, watch this video in Awe.

But as awesome as that is, I’m fucking not paying £120 for a DJ game. No Fucking Way.

I should admit that I have seen the Twilight film. It was horrible, but in a delightful lulzy way. Marty McWhyte linked THIS to me the other day and it’s a hilarious read, or a professional troll depending on your point of view. Personally, when it comes to the film, I have never seen a worse source of vampire lore - at points it eludes to the characters being more Generic Werewolf in origin, and yes… Vampire Baseball.

I think I said somewhere that I was going to talk about the mighty MTG in this post, but honestly I can’t be arsed. I’ve been building decks the past couple of days and I think I’ve got what I set out to build initially, save a couple of extra cards that I’ll pick up next week.

I’m oficially on holiday, though it hasn’t quite sank in yet. Tomorrow I’m hitting Fundee for a couple of days, to see the homies, maybe draft and whatnot. My usual Fundee hyjinks. Then I’ll be treated to my Driving Theory Exam next monday, which to this point I have done absolutely nothing to prepare - outside of a car. Then the rest of that week I’ll be tripping down to Edinburgh to savour the delights of the city and the Edinburgh Interactive Festival. There’s also the matter of the iPhone I purchased, that is currently on it’s way from O2, an experience I’m excited to share with the rest of you.

So here’s to the holidays. May my decks shuffle well, may the podcasts never end, and may I be moved into my room again by the end of the fortnight.

Je ne vous pense pas vous trust